Figs.

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I have been suffering from constipation for some time, in fact ever since I gave up drinking beer a few years ago. The current puritans in our society who want to ban everything that people enjoy, such as smoking, drinking, taking their shopping home in a carrier bag and standing up at a football match, to name a few, have no idea of the dangerous side effects of much that they advocate. We are losing many of our cherished freedoms to do what we want in this country and I suspect that there will soon be a tax on farting to appease those zealots who are concerned about global warming.

You can be sure that the ConDems far from giving us back our cherished civil liberties will very soon announce a host of measures that will restrict peoples right to live a decent life. Anyway back to figs.
I was recently in Croatia, where figs seem to be abundant - growing in parks and in the wild and selling for a few pence (Kuna's) a kilo.

Dear reader they have been my salvation and I am now in a position where a daily shit on the loo is not only practicable but and enjoyable experience too. Since returning to the UK I have there fore been on a fig hunt. Not only are they very difficult to find  but also outrageously expensive. I have just returned from a shopping expedition to Waitrose where I had to pay 49p each for the buggers. There was a day when I thought that having to put a penny in the slot at the public loo was expensive but at 50p a time I will have to assess whether I return to my former constipated state or pay 50p a day for the pleasure of sitting on the loo.

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